I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
