he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
