why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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