Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
