what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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