we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
