You can't motorboat a personality
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
