so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
