He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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