i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
