am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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