Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
