I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
