I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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