Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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