Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
