and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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