the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize