Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
