proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
