RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
