Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
