My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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