I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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