i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize