i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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