He told me they were just razor bumps!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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