I think scott just propositioned me for sex
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My penis needs a shock collar
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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