I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
