I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
