I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
