she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
