We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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