i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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