WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
