rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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