IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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