don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
