I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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