My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize