I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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