I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
