If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
