Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
