UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
