This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
