I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
