she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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