be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
