you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
