if i can run in heels then i can drive
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
