just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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