i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize