It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
