can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
