Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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