bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
