he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
