You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
