I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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