kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
