i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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