nut hugger
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
