and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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