hotel room ftw
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
