i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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