Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
