I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize