I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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