Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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