i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
